Driving Test

Turtle (whining): I want a snack in the car!

Me: I don't have a snack in the car. We'll get one when we get home in a few minutes.

Turtle (demanding): I want a snack in the car!

Me (ignoring him):

Turtle (in a surprisingly angry yelling voice): Mommy! I want a snack in the car! Mom! I want a snack! I need a snack! (continue repeating for 5 minutes with increasing intensity and tears)

Me (humming a tune to myself to help with the ignoring): hmm hmm hmmm hmmmmm

Turtle pulls top buckle of carseat down to belly button level and gives me the "oh yeah, what are you gonna do about that!" look.

Me (sternly): Push that buckle back up now.

Turtle (ignoring me): 

Me: Turtle, push that buckle up or I can't drive. (note to reader: This has worked in the past.)

Turtle (surprisingly calmly, with a mischevous smirk): Don't drive.

Me (damn! called my bluff!):  OK, then I guess I'll have to pull over and park and we can't drive home to get that snack.

Turtle (wickedly calmly): Okay.

Me (double damn!): Turtle, if you don't push that buckle back up a police man is going to come and we are going to get in trouble.

Turtle, eyes wide, quickly pushes buckle into proper position.

[Note: Good to know that although my 2 year old is at the peak of testing me, he has a healthy fear of the long arm of the law! The weird thing is that other than pointing out police cars as a type of vehicle, we have never explained to him what a police officer is or what they do. No matter. If it works, it works. I'm using it again!]

Underwater Astonishments

I have been meaning to share this for a while. This is just one of the amazing TED talks that I've been enjoying. Be prepared to be wowed by nature!

David Gallo shows jaw-dropping footage of amazing sea creatures, including a color-shifting cuttlefish, a perfectly camouflaged octopus, and a Times Square's worth of neon light displays from fish who live in the blackest depths of the ocean.

Respite

Our 24 hours off were great!  The best part?  Getting to be irresponsible! 

Highlights?

•hanging out talking, sitting in the street in front of our house

•taking the dry cleaner's tag off my not-worn-for-over-2-years-little-black-dress and leaving the open safety pin lying around on the table (HA!) 

•we didn't even head out to the restaurant until after Turtle's normal bedtime (tapas, strong drinks, and live music!) 

•sleeping in

•a quiet breakfast out (crepes and espresso!)  

•we hit the spa and took care of ourselves!

The worst part?

•Around 6:30 am I suffered from a very realistic auditory hallucination of Turtle waking up and crying "Mommy!  Mommy!".  It took me a few minutes to realize we were alone in the house and all was quiet and he wasn't there.  Spooky!  How sad is that? My brain is so accustomed to hearing that EVERY DAY for the last 2 years, that it had to manufacture the hallucination to fill in the blank on the one day I was supposed to enjoy sleeping in.   

The best part?

•The "Quiet Room" at the spa.  You lounge in a comfy reclining upholstered leather chair with footrest sipping cucumber infused water and read, daydream, or doze off in a dimly lit completely silent room.  Heaven.  Pure heaven.  I have got to build me one of these at our house!  

Aaaaaaaaaah

It's the beginning of 24 hours to ourselves. The last time we had that was over a year ago. Turtle just drove away in Nana's car, hugging his teddy bear and hot wheel car, waving, and saying "see you later, Mommy". We're dressing up and going out on a real date tonight and sleeping in and getting massages tomorrow before we pick him up. But, right now I've got 4 hours to myself before Backtire even gets home from work. I hardly know what to do with myself or where to begin...but I'm sure I'll figure it out!

A Day Off

Early in motherhood I read some article reminding moms that "when you are gone, it won't matter whether you kept a clean house, but that you sat down and playing with your kids and gave them your attention". A nice sentiment and excuse not to do housework, but let's have a reality check. 

Inspired by this advice, I decided to take a break from doing the normal thing, that is picking up after all of us as we go about our business. This is usually done here and there after each activity is finished and in a couple of bigger spurts. At the end of the evening, I often like to sweep as many toys out of eyesight as possible so that I can sit and relax in the living room and pretend to live a child-free existence for 11 minutes before I fall asleep on the couch trying to read the same articles out of a months old magazine that I don't even recognize I've already read. Hey, this memory loss thing could really save me money on subscriptions!

But, I digress. For one 24 hour period, I made a conscious effort to sit down and relax or do something fun that I enjoy each time I was tempted to put things away. I wanted to know how the carefree moms live. Here is the result:

kitchen table

coffee table

floor

Which reminds me of this hilarious stay at home mom's great answer to "what do you do all day?"

Seriously, if I even took off a second day, let alone a week, well, it just makes me realize that neat freak tendencies aside, I am only one small slip down the slippery slope away from

(Photo Credit)

those people you see on daytime TV that need household clutter interventions. And I only have one kid and no pets! 

I have a hard time letting it get like this and would rather keep up with it all day so that my environment is more relaxing and enjoyable to me.  Therein lies the paradox:  take time off to relax in an environment that grows ever-unrelaxing as you relax or keep up with it to keep the environment relaxing, but never truly just sit and relax. Aaaaaaah!   

While I sat during my time off and relaxed amongst the mess, I read the August issue of Oprah magazine and found out that once again, researchers are being paid to scientifically conclude what we all already know.  The discovery this time?  That having a husband in the household adds 7 extra hours of chores a week for a woman compared to when she was unmarried, while he does an hour less per week than when he was a bachelor.  The article says the researchers didn't know WHY this is. 

Can I just respond scientifically?  

Duh!  

I also read recently (source unremembered) that international studies show that regardless of economic class or whether the woman stays at home or works part- or full-time, basically the woman to man housework ratio is 2:1 around the world in industrialized nations.  And the childcare ratio is far worse, childcare being defined as physically taking care of the needs of the child such as dressing, bathing, and feeding, but not counting wresting on the floor or reading bedtime stories.  

No wonder I'm tired all the time and busy all the time, even though I don't feel like I "do" anything or "get anything done" all day sometimes.  And I don't even do heavy duty cleaning or have very high standards for cleanliness.  So, it could be much worse.  

I guess we've still got a long way to go, baby!