Camping With Kids: Why It’s Worth It

For the past decade a group of family and close friends have trekked up North each summer into giant redwood territory near Eureka to camp for a few days along the Eel River. When it all started, it was a bunch of young adults, for the most part untethered and able to keep it simple. As the years have passed, many of us have gotten hitched and had kids, which has expanded the group size as well as the packing list!

This year, it took both Backtire and I spending two full days and evenings packing, shopping, and prepping, and it was only that fast because we’ve done this trip before and were working off a pretty well developed packing list. Then there was one day of loading the truck, driving seven hours, and unloading it to make camp and another day reversing that on the way out but with additional time driving because it was horrible-Sunday-everyone-else-is-returning-from-having-fun-too traffic. Plus, at least a full day’s worth of unloading the truck at home, unpacking, doing laundry, cleaning pots and pans, and putting everything away. Although that full “day” was actually spread out across the better part of a week because we were back to work and couldn’t devote much time to it each each day.

So, let’s see… that adds up to five or more days of pre- and post- doings so that we could spend three nights and essentially two full days camping as a family.

And I’m not even counting the mental thinking and planning and listing that went on in the weeks before we started physically packing or the flurry of last-minute email coordination between us and our fellow campers.

And let’s not forget that once we started our brief camping trip we spent a good chunk of each day setting up and tearing down and packing and unpacking something or other for each meal or hike or trip to the river we did. All of which involved more back/shoulder/wrist-straining schlepping than normal because we brought an immobile 3 month old baby and her necessary accoutrements with us.

All told you’ve gotta admit there was a pretty high work to play ratio here! And you know what? It was all worth it! Here’s why:

•Lying on the ground with your 5-year old and looking up to see the tops of giant redwood trees swaying in the wind.

•Waking up to the sound of kids squealing because they found banana slugs crawling all over the coolers.

•Catching tadpoles with our bare hands.

•Hours and hours and hours without a single “I’m bored” as kids busy themselves playing endless imaginary games with sticks, rocks, and leaves.

•Adults and kids together playing “night soccer” with headlamps.

•Learning how to build a fire and then staying up way past your bedtime listening to the guitar and singing together around the campfire.

•Crunching through pine needles on your bike.

•Feeling the current of the river tugging on your legs as you cross it holding Daddy’s hand.

•The whole family snuggled up in the tent together, keeping each other warm.

•Water gun fights with your grandparents in the heat of the afternoon.

•20 people whooping in the woods as they play a crazy game of catch with baggies full of milk, sugar, fruit, ice, and rock salt and then laughing with delight as they enjoy eating the ice cream they just made.

•Making new friends and re-connecting with old ones.

•Sharing responsibilities and taking care of each other, lending and borrowing, helping out, taking turns, sharing a treat.

•Standing with your family in the forest as you leave the empty campground for one last moment before heading home. Hearing only the rustling of leaves as the breeze blows through them. Hugs and kisses and sighs of contentment.

Eggciting Week! (sorry, too exhausted to resist bad puns)

(click photo for audio-not yet-coming soon)

We unloaded the first truckloads of furniture on Saturday and took a break to celebrate my birthday with margaritas and Mexcian food at the type of restaurant where they force you to wear the huge sombrero while they sing to you and you can't enjoy dinnertime conversation due to the din of everyone else's conversations, spirited background music, and spirited children running around with free balloons everywhere. It was a restful way to cap off a restful day.

We spent that night, our last, on the air mattress and pack 'n play at our suddenly empty and forlorn looking home.

Everyone's zeal to pack everything in sight and take it to the new house led to some fun moments. Like having to drive Turtle naked over to the new house after going to change him at the old house and realizing his diapers, clothes, and shoes had all been moved already.  

We returned to the old back yard to do his first egg hunt.  Actually, I wanted it to be his first egg hunt, but daycare beat me to it Friday, so it was his second egg hunt.  His cousin and best friend joined in the fun, all three boys gleefully parading around the yard searching for plastic eggs filled with stickers and goldfish crackers.  Three toddlers surrounded by 7 doting adults taking pictures. Daycares would kill to have that ratio! 

At some point on Sunday, we achieve a critical mass of stuff at the new house and decided to spend our first night there. Which led to the morning-after-Easter cereal bowl hunt and clean towel hunt.

We're 99% moved, which makes it really hard to muster up the motivation to do that last 1%- packing up the random loose junk that's left (dryer sheets, window shade, bottle of vodka, christmas ornaments) and cleaning to try to get our deposit back.

Meanwhile, larger tasks loom. Turtle and I are in dire need of haircuts and grey root touch up (well, only me on that one). His grandparents, Aunt & Uncle, and second cousins from the Midwest are in town and there's a 2nd birthday party to be planned.

Wish me luck!

Déjà Déménager

I haven't been blogging because I've decided to participate in self-torture instead -- in the form of voluntarily simultaneously moving and new job hunting. You see it was so fun the first time, when I did the exact same thing last year at this exact same time. Maybe I'll make it an annual way to mark the coming of spring!

This time, to make it more challenging and stimulating, I added 6 relatives coming into town and a 2nd birthday party to throw right at the end so that I could prepare for that at the same time. I threw my birthday somewhere in there, too, just to make sure it won't be celebrated at all. I made sure my parents were out of town for part of it and moving into their own new house for the rest of it so that they couldn't "handicap" me at all by helping, and that my sister was 7 months pregnant and busy with a toddler of her own so she wouldn't get in my way either, that my two brother-in-laws would be out of town on the main weekend we need to lift heavy objects and that I would live in a new town where I have hardly any other friends and don't even know where the home improvement stores are.

Tomorrow I dress up to go to a job fair where I'll try to sell myself in the hopes of finding a position more fulfilling than the one I have now. And try not to think about how much it will suck if I don't find anything. And how much I miss my old job.

Meanwhile, my awesome friend, T, is helping to prep the new house for painting and babysitting Turtle so that I can prepare my docs and interview mindset and go attend the event. She's basically taking over my household/family responsibilities for the day in addition to her own. She's really incredible like that!

I am so lucky to have met her and already sad about moving only a few streets away in the next couple of weeks because right now she lives next door and our daily family lives have ended up seamlessly woven together because of the incredible convenience of being right there. We feed each other. Ok, well, actually, it's way more accurate to say she feeds us all the time. But we do other stuff for them and sometimes we bring the salad or the wine! We watch each others' kids, help each other with household projects, lend each other listening ears and shoulders to cry on, borrow stuff, consult on decisions trivial and important, go on outings together, and most importantly just hang out in the front yard and ask "how was your day?".

I've never really lived anywhere where I felt much of a sense of community, but now I do and T is the biggest reason why. Plus, we live walking distance to several safe, clean parks and a nice community elementary school. There is an active neighborhood association that protects the neighborhood's interests and encourages people to build relationships via neighborhood watch, block parties, and semi-annual socials. All of which are why we spent an ungodly amount of money on a tiny crappy old house to buy our own house in this neighborhood that we've been renting in. We found ourselves willing to cut back on other luxuries in life so that we could retain this sense of community and raise our son in a family friendly 'hood.

I really want to commit myself not only to keeping my ties strong with T, even though we'll be a whole 3 minute walk away, but also to trying to do my part to contribute to building community in my life. At Turtle's daycare, when you go to the restroom and sit on the toilet, there is a poster hanging across from you on the wall, called "How To Build Community".

You can order this poster or make your own to hang on the wall or fridge. I plan to do that for the new house so that it will serve as a reminder of what to focus on. Here's what it says (from the website where you can order it):

Turn off your TV. Leave your house. Know your neighbors, Look up when you are walking; Greet people; Sit on your stoop; Plant flowers; Use your library; Play together; Buy from local merchants; Share what you have; Help a lost dog; Take children to the park; Garden together; Support neighborhood schools; Fix it even if you didn't break it; Have pot lucks; Honor elders; Pick up litter; Read stories aloud; Dance in the street; Talk to the mail carrier; Listen to the birds; Put up a swing; Help carry something heavy; Barter for your goods; Start a tradition; Ask a question; Hire young people for odd jobs; Organize a block party; Bake extra and share; Ask for help when you need it; Open your shades; Sing together; Share your skills; Take back the night; Turn up the music; Turn down the music; Listen before you react to anger; Mediate a conflict; Seek to understand; Learn from new and uncomfortable angles; Know that no one is silent athough many are not heard. Work to change this."

Which of these do you make a point to do? Which would you like to do more of? What keeps you from doing so?

Return Carts Here

(photo credit)

Last night we were talking to some other couples new to Silicon Valley and comparing notes on whether or not we knew our neighbors and felt people were generally friendlier here or where we came from. A woman from NY said that moving from there to here was like switching channels from watching the Sopranos to a Yoga show. Coming from LA, we could relate. We've been struck at how open, friendly, courteous and mellow people are here. After 6 months, we're actually getting used to smiles and hellos from strangers on the street, chatting with neighbors at the curb, and talkative counter clerks. But at first it was freaky. Suspect. An invasion of our personal space. Nosiness. Which is really sad. Self-awareness of our reactions opened our eyes to just how "LA" we had become after 19 years there. I'm happy that my son won't be internalizing that disconnectedness and paranoia as he grows up.

I can't ever use a shopping cart again without thinking about this issue. My friend from Dallas was shocked when she moved here that people did not put their shopping carts in the cart return area when they were done. The idea of leaving shopping carts all over the parking lot is rude and abhorrent to her. She pledged to take the higher road and model proper shopping cart return behavior to the rest of us unrefined Californians. I'm sure she is absolutely right, but what amused both of us is the difference in our perspective on this. My feeling is A) Hey, they pay high school kids and retirees to gather up the carts and bring them in, so it's my civic duty to provide this employment opportunity, and B) especially as a new mom, it was utterly convenient and helpful to find a shopping cart right there on the edge of nearly any parking stall you select so that you can transfer baby into it and immediately use it rather than abandon baby in the car to go find one or carry baby with you to get one and bring it back, and that C) when you leave yours in the corner of your parking spot as you go, you are providing the next person with that same convenience. Apparently, many people agree with me because it is completely accepted culture to not put your cart back as long as you nicely push it to the edge of the parking spot so as not to block the space or hook one wheel in the flower bed so it won't roll away or hit any cars.

I wonder what the unwritten rules are on this in other places and whether anyone else besides my friend has strong feelings about it. BTW, she is living proof that one person can make a difference, because now that she raised my awareness, I have actually taken the time to return my cart properly on many occasions in honor of her (of course, when it was convenient for me). Which brings us to the more serious issue of cart abandonment. In my own defense, I must say that at least I have never removed the cart from the premises and left it out on the streets to fend for itself. T, a Dallas cowgirl like you should appreciate the tireless work of the Cart Wranglers,the "Loraxes" of the shopping cart world!